prescribed feelings

I retired today, after 32 years with the same organization. It will be good to move on to things I really want to do, like write & make more music, but it also made me think about some more basic things, like feelings.

There are certain events that are supposed to come with pre-determined sets of feelings. Weddings, funerals, births, moments of success and failure all presume either joy or grief.

Why, then, did I feel absolutely nothing today? Apart from slight embarrassment when my colleagues gathered to wish me well, I really didn't feel any different from any other day.

It can't be shock -- I've been planning this day for more than a year. Perhaps I'll just have to wait a bit to see if something emerges. It just goes to show that you can't judge how you'll feel by how convention believes you should feel.